“Routine” writing, scheduling a time to blog…ugh! That does not fit into going with the flow or writing when creative energy bursts forth at any given moment of the day.
Blogging isn’t as easy as it seems because my heart lies in my books. I can write, edit, and critique for hours on end, into the darkest morning hours. But blogging? Something about it is so much more…demanding.
Committing to a blog is like committing to marriage. It requires dedication, attention, consideration, honest communication, keeping things interesting. That’s a lot of work.
It’s almost safer not to write a blog. With a novel I can take my time–days, weeks, months, even years to craft a great story. But blogs demand weekly, sometimes even daily, devotion. I am a devoted writer, but fall short as a blogger.
So I allowed myself to consider the difference between blogging and all the other writing that I do.
It boils down to that horrible four letter F-word that I despise so much because it has plagued every facet of my life–fear.
Fear says that what I write won’t interest anyone. It tells me I’ll bore my readers, lose the small numbers of followers I’ve managed to gather. I may write something that I’ll regret years later. Fear points an old crooked finger at my inability to commit to a schedule. It reminds me of my lack of responsibility, and many other failings.
I am afraid to consider all the lost opportunities I’ve allowed fear to cause. It has always been my greatest self-imposed road block. Now I’m forced to consider what would happen if I tackled my fear, what security I could lose, what unknowns I could gain. It requires vast amounts of time and energy to break down an iron-walled ego that has tried so hard to protect me. And listing those fears–what a long, long list. (At least I could write it.)
Still, if I face these fears, will I be proving something to myself, or to others? Then I wonder, can fear really be the result of my constantly seeking the approval of others?
Yikes! I’d rather blog.